Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Ned Johnson, author of Conquering the SAT and The Self-Driven Child, joins the show a second time to share his top tips for beating any standardized test--and they are all things under a teen’s control!



Full show notes

There’s no singular experience in teenage life quite like the SAT. Unlike the grueling four year academic curriculum, it occurs for only 180 minutes–and determines whether or not a teen is accepted to the school of their dreams. Needless to say, this is likely a significant cause of anxiety for you and your teen alike.

A lot of programs out there promise your teen instant success at standardized tests, but in reality, performing well is much more complicated than just quick tips and tricks. Beyond simply putting in the reps, acing the ACT or SAT requires teens to understand their own thinking. It takes a serious mastery over anxiety and external pressures to keep a clear head and perform like a champion.

This week we’re talking to one of the most sought after test prep professionals in the country, Ned Johnson. He runs the company PrepMatters, which helps people prepare from everything from the LSAT to the MCAT. He’s also the co-author of Conquering the SAT: How Parents Can Help Teens Overcome the Pressure and Succeed. Ned’s put in over 35,000 hours of one-on-one test prep with young adults, and has learned quite a few lessons along the way.

He’s here today to share with you why he thinks standardized tests are valuable despite their flaws. These tests go beyond just words and numbers–they teach teens how to push their boundaries. Ned and I also chat about why pressuring kids to do well can often backfire, and how you can help your teen tackle performance anxiety to smash that ACT out of the park.

Humans are unique and changing, while standardized tests are just that–standardized. How can one test possibly measure every person’s intelligence when we all think so differently?

Ned understands why some people feel this way. Although he’s made a career out of SAT and ACT prep, he knows that there are more important things than getting a perfect score. However, he believes standardized testing can be a great way for teens to challenge their own limits. Specifically, tackling these tests makes kids understand how they can better handle high pressure situations.

Ned explains how, when humans are anxious about something, the easiest solution is avoidance. It’s so much easier to just not do scary things than it is to burst through our comfort zones. For teens, taking a 180 minute test that determines their college acceptance can feel like a stressful nightmare. It can be tempting to simply opt out.

But by facing tests as intense as the SAT, students learn to surmount their anxiety instead of letting it control them. If we avoid situations that make us anxious, then we’ll remain afraid forever. That fear is not going to bode well in adulthood, which is filled with confrontations, important presentations, and big meetings that can’t be ignored. By overcoming their apprehensions about these tests, teens will learn to face the pressure and be less terrified when the next frightening challenge rears its ugly head.

That being said, taking on fear is easier said than done. Luckily, Ned has some advice for how to help teens work through serious nerves.

Test anxiety is a pretty intense and overwhelming feeling that keeps brilliant kids from performing their best. Ned explains how teens can break this anxiety down into parts and make each part a little easier to handle. That way, kids can be cool as a cucumber when they’re face to face with those pages full of questions.

To start, Ned tackles the notion of novelty, explaining how new things cause us anxiety by catching us off guard. Luckily, the SAT is pretty similar on each go around, and teens can take practice tests. Even if the questions undergo some changes, it’s pretty much the same material. The more practice tests kids can take, the less novel the real test will be.

Another significant contributor to this anxiety is the potential threat to teens’ egos. For some teens, underperforming on these tests means their self esteem is on the line. This leads them to get worked up about their score and might even cause them to fumble on the big day.

In the episode, Ned presents the idea of test prep therapy. This process involves asking students what in particular about the test is stressing them out, and looking for patterns in their thinking. In our interview, he explains how we can reframe these anxious thoughts to help teens overcome their apprehension.

Oftentimes, kids are nervous about these tests because they’re facing a lot of scrutiny from parents. Ned breaks down how to ensure that you’re motivating your student to perform their best instead of pushing them in the wrong ways.

No parent wants to leave their kid in a state of distress, especially when there’s an important test on the line. However, we still want to encourage kids to do well and ensure that they’re working hard. So how can we approach the situation to give kids a boost instead of dragging them down?

Ned emphasizes the danger of making kids believe they have to be successful at all costs. When parents give the impression that success is the only acceptable option, it leads teens down a bad trajectory. They often feel like they have to lie, or hide their failures. They feel they can’t be vulnerable with you, and may even cheat to achieve the perfect score you might be expecting.

In fact, Ned and I discuss how there’s nothing less encouraging than telling a student that they’re not doing good enough work. The teenage brain is eager to avoid anything that makes teens feel stupid or unworthy. If this negative rhetoric becomes associated with their ACT prep, they’re not going to want to return to their practice tests again and again. They’ll likely blow the whole thing off to go do something that makes them feel instant gratification, like playing video games or watching Netflix.

Instead of pressuring them, Ned explains how you can help kids believe they can achieve. Don’t tell them that there’s no option other than a perfect score. Instead, let them know that you really think they can improve their score, if they really put their mind to it. This encouragement goes a long way, and is much more nourishing than harsh expectations.

Ned also discusses the value of encouraging incremental change. Telling students they need to perform perfectly right away only discourages them. Cheering them on as they bring their practice test score from 1000 to 1200 will work wonders for their confidence. When they feel empowered, they’re more likely to be determined, and will come back the next day excited to improve.

Ned is not only extremely knowledgeable about test prep but also lovely to talk to! On top of the topics mentioned above, we chat about:

We all stress about SATs and ACTs, but Ned’s advice can help! If you enjoyed listening, check out his test prep company, prepmatters.com. Don't forget to subscribe and share, and we’ll see you next week.

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