Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Nicole Karlis, author of Your Brain on Altruism, discusses the neuroscience behind altruism, revealing how acts of kindness impact teen brains, mental health, resilience, and lasting happiness.

Full Show Notes

As parents, we hope our teenagers grow up to be kind, caring, and community-oriented adults. We encourage them to volunteer, assist neighbors, or participate in community service projects, hoping it'll build character and strengthen empathy. But did you know there's actual science linking altruism to improved well-being, reduced stress, and even better health? What if building compassion wasn't just a nice extra—but a powerful tool for coping with stress, fostering mental health, and developing meaningful relationships?

Many teens face abundant pressures: academic expectations, college applications, social anxieties, and now the unprecedented rise of loneliness and technology overload. With these challenges mounting, could altruism offer a unique and surprisingly effective antidote—not just helping teens survive but thrive in today's world?

In this week's insightful conversation, we're joined by Nicole Karlis, health and science journalist and author of Your Brain on Altruism: The Power of Connection and Community During Times of Crisis. Nicole spent nearly a decade exploring the science behind altruism, kindness, and community connection. She specializes in translating compelling neuroscience into practical lessons we can apply right at home with our teens.

Nicole reveals the neuroscience underpinning the benefits of altruism, describing how selfless actions activate brain regions responsible for stress relief, emotional regulation, and meaningful fulfillment. By cultivating altruistic behaviors, Nicole argues, teens can overcome feelings of isolation and connect meaningfully with their communities—even during a loneliness epidemic.

In our conversation, Nicole sheds light on why altruism is so powerful and how parents can harness and revive this instinct in their teens to create their own "culture of caring."

It turns out our brains are wired to benefit from kindness. Nicole outlines research showing that acts of generosity, kindness, and compassion trigger neural pathways linked to reward and decreased stress. Teens who practice altruism report feeling more deeply connected to others and their community, experiencing higher executive functioning, and enjoying mental health benefits.

Creating regular acts of kindness, Nicole explains, can physically change the structure of teen brains due to neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to reorganize and strengthen beneficial pathways. Over time, practicing altruism can become habitual—ultimately shaping teens into compassionate adults who experience less stress and improved overall health.

This powerful link raises the important question: how can parents best encourage altruism, especially today when teens are so busy and pressure-laden?

Ever notice how, after a crisis, communities come together in uniquely powerful ways? Nicole describes this phenomenon—called bounded solidarity—in regions recovering from natural disasters where neighbors join forces to help one another through difficult times. But eventually the solidarity fades. Nicole wondered if communities could maintain this spirit without needing a tragic catalyst.

In the episode, Nicole shares inspiring stories from teens who joined together after devastating wildfires. Remarkably, their initial impulse turned into a long-term community service nonprofit that raised spirits and built lasting bonds for everyone involved. She reveals that challenges and crises aren't necessary prerequisites. Families and communities can foster sustained altruism—cultivating solidarity simply through commitment and deliberate intention.

Nicole offers practical methods families can use to cultivate caring cultures, from volunteering vacations to meaningful weekend rituals. She explains why clustering multiple kindness actions on special days—rather than making kindness a daily chore—helps compassion become a joyful, healthy habit.

Teenagers often feel pressure to volunteer to pad college applications—checking off boxes without truly feeling connected to their service activities. But Nicole emphasizes the critical role intention plays: altruism is dramatically more beneficial if teens authentically embrace their volunteering choices.

When teens genuinely want to make a difference, altruism deepens their empathy, nurtures authentic relationships, and provides real mental health benefits. Finding activities that align with your teen's natural interests enables them to genuinely experience joy and authentic connection while doing good. Nicole highlights examples, from playing bingo at senior homes to fun volunteer projects during family trips, that deeply resonate with teenagers and leave lifelong positive impacts.

Nicole shares eye-opening insights about kindness, altruism, and their remarkable effects on teenagers. On top of the above, we discuss:

This meaningful conversation with Nicole Karlis will forever shift how you view compassion—revealing how cultivating altruism in teenagers profoundly strengthens their brains, supports emotional resilience, and helps them thrive throughout adolescence and beyond.

If you enjoyed this episode, you can find more from Nicole at Salon.com or connect with her on Instagram @NicoleKarlis. Thanks for listening! Don't forget to share, subscribe, and tune in next week for more critical teen parenting insights.