Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Michelle Jurkiewicz and Diane Ehrensaft, co-authors of Gender Explained, join us to dismantle common misconceptions about transgender and non-binary youth, address the impact of misinformation, and highlight the importance of thoughtful, gender-affirming care.



Full Show Notes

In today's digital age, the flood of information—both accurate and misleading—about gender can be overwhelming for parents. Understanding the real science and nuanced truths behind gender diversity is essential, not just for parents of transgender or non-binary teens, but for any families navigating the complex landscape of modern gender identity. Misinformation can exacerbate anxieties, perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and hinder the emotional and psychological development of our teenagers.

Regardless of whether your child is cisgender or part of the LGBTQ+ community, becoming well-informed about gender identity issues is crucial. Misconceptions can lead to unintended harm, fostering environments where biases and myths thrive. Ensuring we respond with understanding and backed by research can make a world of difference in how our children perceive themselves and their place in society.

To shed light on these issues, we're joined by Dr. Michelle Jurkiewicz and Dr. Diane Ehrensaft—co-authors of the new book, Gender Explained. Diane is the co-founder and director of mental health at the Child and Adolescent Gender Center at UCSF, an esteemed expert with numerous publications on gender. Michelle is a clinical psychologist and gender specialist in Berkeley, California. Together, they bring a wealth of knowledge about gender identity and equity, highlighting how gender-affirming care can profoundly impact mental health positively.

One of the most harmful pieces of misinformation is the belief that gender-affirming care lacks a scientific basis and is merely politically driven. Michelle and Diane emphasize that gender-affirming care is indeed evidence-based and involves a diligent, thoughtful process, contrary to the notion of rubber-stamping treatment requests. They also point out that contrary to some accusations, gender diversity is innate and cannot be instilled by external influences or by medical professionals.

Another issue they tackle is the myth that a transgender identity in children is just a phase or that it is contagious. Michelle highlights the essential point that gender, much like other aspects of identity, manifests uniquely in each individual, and invalidating these identities can have damaging effects on young people.

Diane passionately debunks the "rubber stamping" myth—instead explaining that gender-affirming care is a collaborative effort involving mental health professionals, endocrinologists, parents, and the children themselves. This multifaceted approach ensures decisions are made carefully, supporting the child's well-being at every step. She also introduces the concept of "social gender dysphoria," which acknowledges that external societal pressures often exacerbate the discomfort felt by gender-diverse youth.

Particularly insightful is how they address the emotional journey parents may face, including moments of grief or confusion. Understanding that gender identity is about honoring children's dreams and realities—rather than the expectations we may have—is pivotal in fostering a healthy family dynamic.

Our discussions also delve into how to manage personal discomfort as a parent when confronted with non-conforming gender expressions. Diane offers personal anecdotes illustrating how initial discomfort can transform into acceptance and understanding over time, emphasizing the role of love in this process. Michelle adds practical advice on slowing down and reflecting on our gut reactions, encouraging compassion and self-awareness as tools for overcoming bias.

Furthermore, Michelle explains the necessity of sports participation for transgender youth in fostering mental health, community, and personal development. Excluding children from sports teams, she warns, can have detrimental impacts on their well-being.

The book also tackles broader societal issues, such as rapid-onset gender dysphoria (a concept Michelle thoroughly discredits), the impact of restrictive legislation on transgender youth, and the importance of creating inclusive environments. By redefining misunderstood concepts and emphasizing evidence-based research, Diane and Michelle aim to replace fear and misinformation with understanding and support.

By the episode’s end, it becomes clear that thoughtful, gender-affirming care benefits children profoundly, reaffirming their identities and promoting healthier, happier lives. Michelle and Diane continuously advocate for gender literacy, reminding parents of the continual evolution of gender understanding, underlined by humanity and empathy.

Want to dive deeper into these critical issues? Here’s what else you’ll find in our enlightening conversation:

Don’t miss this episode for expert insights and compassionate advice. Listen in to be part of a conversation that promotes equality and understanding for all youth. Remember to share, subscribe, and join us next week for more insights on parenting teens!