Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift, joins us to discuss the power that peer influence has over teens. Plus, how teens can find great mentors and how the right friends always encourage teens to expand their worldview.



Full show notes

Teens are undeniably influenced by their peers. They adopt their friends’ fashion, hobbies, attitudes and even opinions….for better or for worse! 

Whomever your teen decides to spend time with, those people are critical to your teens wellbeing. These individuals might encourage your kids to follow their dreams and become their best selves, or involve them in risky and regrettable behavior. That’s why it's essential to understand the power of peer pressure–and guide teens to make the right kind of friends.

To help us ensure that teens are hanging with the right crowd, we’re talking to Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift. Justin is a successful entrepreneur, professor of business at the University of Washington, and the author of 12 books! He’s here to share advice about forging healthy and helpful relationships, gathered from both his professional life as a businessman and personal life as a father of three!

In the episode, we discuss why it’s so essential that teens spend time around peers who lift them up rather than those who drag them down. Plus, how kids can find the right mentors, and  how good companions can help teens expand their worldview.

In the episode, Justin talks a lot about how teens can get in with the “right” crowd–but not in a moral sense. Instead, these friends should be the kind of people who encourage teens to follow their dreams, find happiness and live their best lives. Of course, no friend is going to be perfect, but a good companion should motivate teens to feel confident and strive for self improvement, Justin explains.

Justin and I talk about how teens can evaluate their friendships to see if they’re bringing happiness or hindrance. He explains a method that he refers to as the plus/minus statistic–a metric borrowed from sports! Justin says that teens can weigh the good and the bad to discover if teens’ friends are making their lives better or holding them back. We talk further about the plus/minus statistic in the episode, and how it can help teens surround themselves with the right people.

Guiding teens to pick the right companions starts with encouraging them to be self aware, Justin says. Sometimes teens can be a bit oblivious to the negative parts of their friendships, and refuse to think of their friends as bad influences. 

Justin recommends sitting kids down and asking them to recount their dreams, goals and vision for their life and then reflecting on whether or not their friends are conducive to this dream–or are actively keeping them from achieving it.

Beyond just peers, teens need mentors to push them in the right direction. Justin and I are talking about how teenagers can find the right mentor to guide them through their own personal struggles and goals.

Finding a great mentor requires teens to choose someone who’s been through the same things they have, says Justin.  

Sometimes teens tend to gravitate towards those who have found immense success in the field they aspire to…but oftentimes these successful people were just lucky, says Justin. It’s even more likely that these people had a leg-up in life, whether it's inherited wealth, nepotism or simply an especially encouraging family.

Justin encourages parents to reiterate this disparity to teens who might find themselves frustrated by the success of others. Other people might have simply been born with more athletic ability or academic intelligence, or maybe their financially comfortable background allowed them to study instead of spending time working. Whatever the case may be, teens shouldn’t compare themselves to peers or even adults who seem to excel effortlessly.

In the end, these lucky people often make poor mentors, because they haven’t gone through as much struggle as most other successful people, said Justin. Finding mentors from a similar background who are familiar with the same difficulties teens are facing will create a much more successful mentor/mentee experience at the end of the day, he says. In the episode, Justin and I talk about all the different kinds of mentorship that teens can take advantage of.

One of a mentor’s many roles is to help teens expand their worldview. Justin and I are discussing how important it is for teens to broaden their perspective and how strong relationships with peers and mentors can help them do so.

As teens grow up, they start to learn more about the world…and sometimes think they know everything! That’s why it’s so important for teens to be surrounded by people who put their worldview to the test. 

Half the time, kids don’t even realize just how oblivious they are to certain realities, and they need someone to broaden their perspective. Justin uses the example of kids who grow up in poverty and don’t even realize options like college could ever be a reality for them–until they meet a role model who changes their mind.

Parents, mentors and peers alike can help teens break out of their comfort zone and rethink their lives by simply encouraging them to take risks. In the episode, Justin and I talk about a sort of mental immune system that we develop as we grow up and start to filter “bad” things out and welcome “good'' things in. Over time, we start to do it habitually, without even thinking, leading us to reject things that seem unfamiliar or vaguely threatening in any way. In our interview, Justin and I are talking about how we can push teens to tweak this system and invite new experiences into their lives.

As much as we try, parents can’t teach kids everything, and we’ll always have certain blinds pots. To remedy this, Justin suggests that parents find someone who can help kids in the areas where we struggle to give guidance–like a younger relative or a career professional. 

Arranging meetings or phone calls with someone who can give teens valuable advice is a gentle and kind way to help kids learn about the world and challenge their own opinions. With a greater worldview, they’ll be able to envision possibilities for themselves that they never imagined, growing one step closer to living their best life.

I had a wonderful time talking with Justin this week! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:

If you enjoyed this episode and want more from Justin, you can find him at Blaney.app. Thanks for listening and don’t forget to share and subscribe. See you next week!

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