Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis, authors of The Parent Compass, share their wealth of knowledge on the college admissions process and parenting in the late teens.



Full show notes

Let’s be honest–the pressure of the college application process is enough to drive anyone crazy. Both you and your kids might find yourselves losing sleep and shedding tears over the endless rampage of SAT scores, personal essays and scholarship applications. It’s so intense that celebrities are willing to bribe schools and admissions officers with thousands of dollars just to get their kid’s feet in the door!

Although you just want the best for your kid, it’s easy to get caught up in the competition of it all and become another expectant force breathing down their necks. You might find yourself so obsessed with whether or not they get in that you forget to notice all the hard work and character growth they’ve exhibited throughout the process.

To understand how we can guide kids through college apps and other teenage chaos, we’re sitting down with educational consultants Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis. Their new book, The Parent Compass: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness and Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World, is a guide for parents who are feeling uncertain about the application cycle, phones at the dinner table, and more!

In our interview, the three of us discuss the definition of a “parent compass” and how to help kids navigate the tech filled world they’re growing up in. We also dive into how we can help teens reevaluate goal setting, especially when it comes to college admissions.

Although the “parent compass” might sound like an object, it’s actually a movement! It’s goal is to help parents take a step back, and make sure they’re not getting so caught up in all the crazy that they lose sight of what’s important: encouraging teens to be their best selves. If parents can reevaluate and take time for self reflection, they can be certain that they’re headed in the right direction, Cynthia and Jenn explain.

Cynthia and Jenn’s book opens with questionnaires for parents, asking them to think about the way they were raised and prompting them to question their own biases. There’s also one for teens, which requests that they think constructively about how they’d like to be treated differently. Jenn and Cynthia suggest inviting your teen to do these questionnaires–or have productive discussions of a similar nature–together. In doing so, you can show them that you care about being the best parent you can be.

Now, that’s all easier said than done, of course! There are so many complications and points of contention you and your teen might get stuck on. One concept we discuss in the episode is the idea of encouraging teens to follow their passion. Is that something we can realistically suggest if we’re practical parents? In our interview, Cynthia and Jenn touch on how it’s almost as important for teens to discover what they don’t like as it is for them to find activities that excite them.

Another common area of disagreement for parents and kids is technology: how much screen time kids should get, whether or not phones can be out during certain hours...the list goes on and on! In the episode, we touch on how you can use your parent compass to find harmony with tech in your home.

One of the biggest tips Cynthia and Jenn have regarding devices in the home is to create a distinct plan. They suggest you set rules, limits, and allowances for how much time teens can spend online, and what they can do when they log on! By having a system in place, it’s easier to avoid arguments down the line. Instead of begging them to log off every night at 6 o’clock to start their homework, they’ll know ahead of time that there are certain hours for playing fortnite and others for studying physics.

Along with the plan, Cynthia and Jenn recommend putting measures in place for when the plan is violated. If kids know what punitive measures are coming, they’re not likely to break the rules. And in these uncertain, pandemic-centric times, Cynthia and Jenn suggest checking that parent compass to evaluate when to be flexible. For many kids, playing games online and chatting over social media is one of the few ways they’ve been socializing since they haven’t been able to go to school or even just hang out at the park!

In our interview, we also discuss the notion of putting away screens entirely. Our interviewees bring up a powerful method practiced by some of their colleagues, in which 24 hours is spent, as a family, away from technology! While this idea may sound terrifying, it can have a multitude of benefits. In the episode, we talk about how disconnecting can really help you and your teen shed anxiety and gain creativity.

As educational consultants, Cynthia and Jenn have a lot to say on college admissions–more than any other topic! In our interview, we break down how to handle the ups and downs of applications, acceptances, rejections and everything in between.

For teens waiting and waiting for that acceptance letter, the pressure can be overwhelming. When parents add their expectations on top of everything else, it’s even harder for kids to handle it all. Teens often need us to remain stable, not add turbulence to their already rocky journey. How can we be kind, supportive guides instead of just turning up the heat ?

According to Cynthia and Jenn, the key is to focus less on the result and more on the impressive effort kids are putting in! They do so much just to get to the finish line, that we should be cheering them on when they press submit, not waiting until they get in.

When we focus on the result, Cynthia and Jenn explain, we teach kids that things are black and white, separated into success and failure. This discourages them from taking risks or setting lofty goals. Our guests believe it’s better to bring kids into a growth mindset, where they see a path towards improvement instead of unstable ground.

Cynthia and Jenn explain how teens can apply this kind of thinking to all of their goals. To help teens get into a growth mindset, they emphasize the value of setting specific objectives, or steps they can take to make progress towards their goals. This brings our lofty ambitions closer to the ground, allowing us to really see what we need to do to achieve our hopes and dreams. In our interview, we also talk about the importance of adjusting goals once teens set them, as life always brings new and unpredictable obstacles.

Cynthia and Jenn bring us buckets of wisdom from their 30+ combined years as educational counselors. In addition to the topics above, we discuss…

Parenting is no easy task, but Jenn and Cynthia can help us develop a compass that allows us to make it through the wilderness. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to share and subscribe!

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