Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Jonathan Cristall, author of What They Don’t Teach Teens and a career prosecutor, gives Andy the insider scoop on what teens should know to stay calm and collected during any police or criminal encounter. Does your teen know their rights?



Full show notes 

When it comes to raising teens, most of us know how important it it to have conversations about things like safe sex, drugs, and alcohol...but what about police brutality? Cyberbullying? Sexual harassment? Topics like these might feel like they’re coming out of left field….and you may not know where to even start! It’s difficult to teach kids about their legal rights and street smarts when there’s no manual anywhere telling parents how to do so.

However, topics like these are vital to the health and safety of the modern teen. Especially in recent times, as society is uncovering just how common sexual assault and police brutality are, it can be so valuable to help your teen understand their rights and basic safety procedures in times of crises or coercion.

Our guest today is Jonathan Cristall, a prosecutor who’s years of experience in the legal profession has taught him just how much danger teens can find themselves in. As a father himself, he wanted to give his kids a book that taught them basic legal and self defense information….but couldn’t find one! That’s why he published his new book What They Don’t Teach Teens: Life Safety Skills for Teens and the Adults Who Care for Them. It covers some important stuff your kids might not learn in school--but that they should definitely know.

Jonathan sat down with us today to discuss the rights your teen should be aware of during an interaction with law enforcement, the basic street safety skills every teen should have, and how teens can protect themselves from predators online.

Overall, Jonathan emphasizes that when it comes to staying safe around police, the most important thing is to respect law enforcement and follow the law…best to avoid having any issue with officers in the first place! Jonathan explains that he believes most members of the police force are just trying to do their job to the best of their ability and keep you safe.

But in recent times, conversations about police brutality have become more and more common as current events examine troubling trends in police behavior. Jonathan emphasizes that even though it’s always in your best interest to respect the police, there are some basic constitutional rights your teen should be privy to before they have a run-in with the cops, just in case.

In the episode, we get into how many teenagers are not aware of such basic information as their 4th and 5th amendment rights. There are plenty of interactions where teens might be searched unlawfully--even though they have the right to refuse a search! Jonathan and I talk about specific language teenagers can use to tell a police officer that they don’t consent to be searched.

Similarly, many teenagers (and even adults) are unaware of what to do when they receive a ticket for something they do not believe they are guilty of. Or if they are allowed to film a police officer while they’re working, if they suspect something’s off. Or even if they are legally able to be detained by an officer! Jonathan clears up all these situations in the episode.

Besides encounters with law enforcement, there are some other potential dangers your teen might need to be aware of on the street. Jonathan gets into some basic street safety techniques that can help your teen protect themselves when they’re out and about.

Nowadays, teens are walking around without even looking up...half the time they’re looking at their phones! Jonathan emphasizes the importance of simple practices like situational awareness--how being cognizant of your surroundings can save you in a crisis.

One example Jonathan gives is locating an emergency exit. When teens walk into a restaurant, movie theater, bar, or other place of business, it can be really valuable to make note of where they can exit during a potential emergency. If an emergency does occur and they are faced with pandemonium and panic, they’ll know where to go. In the episode, Jonathan gets into a specific situation he found himself in during his teenage years, and how situational awareness allowed him to get out safely.

Another potential danger to your teen Jonathan and I talk about is the possibility of armed kidnap or robbery. If someone pulls a gun on your teen and asks for their wallet, your teen would know to just give up the wallet...right?

Actually, in Jonathan’s experience, about a third of teens believe it’s better not to give their things up to an armed assailant--they don’t want to lose their stuff! While it’s understandable to want to keep your iphone, Jonathan emphasizes that items are replaceable but people aren’t! It can be a good idea to remind your teen that in a situation like that, it’s best to just forfeit you belongings to save your life.

On top of the dangers they face in the outside world, teens are also at risk for certain dangers online. In the episode Jonathan dives into how teenagers may run into sexual predators or find themselves exploited--and how to prevent these situations from occurring.

Jonathan discusses the various ways people can be exploited sexually online--using the word “sextortion” as an umbrella term for things like the non-consensual screen recording of sexual videos or blackmail using nude photographs. Alarmingly, the average age for a sextortion victim is fifteen, and it’s one of the fastest growing dangers teens face online, according to the U.S. Department of Justice.

Sextortion perpetrators can be fellow teenagers as well as adults. Sometimes, these adults pose as teenagers, in a process called “catfishing” in which they fake their identity. Sometimes teenagers are lured into disrobing on camera, and then later told that the video will be released to the public if they don’t pay money or perform other services. Other times, teenagers may send nudes to someone they’re in a sexual or romantic relationship with, only to find those nudes passed around to strangers without their consent.

In the episode, Jonathan shares ways you can talk with your teen about these potential dangers. He explains how important it is for teens to think critically about their virtual sexual behavior, and consider all possible outcomes of the situation. Being extorted could cause serious damage to their reputation, not to mention they’re social and emotional health.

Saying “no” to a request for nudes or other sexually explicit material is not always the easiest thing to do. Jonathan suggests reminding your teenager that if somebody is pressuring them to do something they don’t want to do, then that person likely doesn’t have their best interest at heart. Similarly, Jonathan recommends letting your teenager know that they can talk to you if they find themselves in a dangerous or exploitative situation with someone online, even if they might be scared or ashamed.

In addition to these topics, Jonathan and I talk about:

My talk with Jonathan was extremely informative and a great way to get some basic knowledge on personal safety--I even learned some things I didn’t know! If you enjoyed the interview, you might enjoy reading What They Don’t Teach Teens where he goes further in-depth on each of the topics we’ve covered. Thanks for listening, and don’t forget to subscribe!

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