Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Dr. Adam Price, author of He’s Not Lazy, shares the tricks and tips from his book. Dr. Price and Andy dive deep into all that Dr. Price has discovered about motivating “lazy” teens in during his 20+ years as a clinical psychologist.



Full show notes

Teens face more pressure today than ever before. At times, it seems like a teenager’s only path to success comes from a rigorous schedule of academics, sports, community service, and a generally overwhelming amount of extracurricular activities. Such a routine builds tremendous stress in teens—and in their parents.

This can be alarming for parents whose teenagers are “lazy.” It’s no secret that what kids do in school every year counts toward their future opportunities. In a society where young people are expected to be hyperactive achievers, parents with unmotivated teens worry their teens are doomed to fail – it’s like they don’t care about anything at all!!! Luckily, there are a variety of ways to assist parents who don’t know how to motivate lazy teenagers. That’s the topic of this week’s Talking to Teens podcast episode, “Laziness Ends Here.”

This week, I spoke with clinical psychologist and former Associate Director at Family Connections, Dr. Adam Price to understand exactly how to motivate lazy teenagers. He’s the author of He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself and has published many articles on family and child therapy in issues of The Wall Street Journal and Family Circle. With more than 20 years in the practice and a specialization in adolescent males, Price has seen it all.

Knowing the common causes of uninspired behavior is half the battle of understanding how to motivate lazy teenagers. To Price, “lazy” teenage behavior stems from two places:

First, there is the enormous amount of pressure on teens to always be above-and-beyond average. There are no longer “late bloomers,” despite a wide array of cognitive developmental rates in teens. Instead, we now label them as “underachievers.”

Secondly, because they are made to feel that the stakes are so high at every stage, parents micromanage; they attempt to control their teen’s life by taking away the teen’s.

It might seem like the pressure for teens to do well and ending up with overparenting are almost inevitable realities for teenagers who can’t seem to kick it into gear. If they shut down under pressure, then it’s up to their parents to shoulder that anxiety and make sure their child succeeds. But knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers counteracts both of these realities. According to Dr. Price, you can subvert the overwhelming pressure that your child is feeling and inspire them to get their life together by holding them accountable for their decisions.

In order to address how to motivate lazy teenagers, Dr. Price focuses on the role that accountability plays in two major aspects of your child’s life:

By balancing accountability with these particular features, you can move your teen to react in accordance with their responsibilities. During our discussion, Dr. Price walked me through how to motivate lazy teenagers with comprehensible examples and scripts that you can apply in your home today! Here’s just a glimpse of how it works:

There's a lot of material in school that kids just aren’t interested in. And who can blame them? Is it particularly relevant to your life that the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell? Plus, the increased pressure that academics place on teenagers today can make studying or extracurriculars extra-daunting. However, when teens have a genuine interest in a given topic, that is where all their energy is redirected.

In order to understand how to motivate lazy teenagers, you first need to know what your child is interested. Then you can look for ways to combine their interests with their responsibilities and potential career paths. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “It’s impossible to get my child excited about math. I don’t even like math!” Well, instead of trying to get your child excited about generic textbook material, you can look for things that your child is already interested! From there, you can try to extrapolate potential careers and applications of what they’re learning in school.

You want to know how to motivate lazy teenagers in a way that is internalized so that their initiative is lasting, and you can be more hands-off. For example, if your teen holds an interest in rock-climbing and outdoor activities, you might direct their awareness to a career in environmental science and preservation. A good way to frame it is, “If you like spending time outdoors now, here’s how you can do more of that in the future!”. But make it clear that in order to find success, they’ll have to do well in their science classes and get into a good college. This internalizes their personal interests and motivates them to hold themselves accountable.

When your teen conflates their personal interests with their responsibilities, they internalize the reward and are likely to follow through. Research finds that external rewards like good grades or even monetary prizes can actually reduce motivation if they aren’t linked to internal rewards. Personal interests are actually so transformative that they can negate the mental stakes of not doing well in school. Instead, they take advantage of your teens’ ambitions and motivate them to work harder.

Autonomy is about choices. When your teen makes a decision about their life, they are exercising control and self-governance. These choices can include everything from wanting to try out for the soccer team vs. staying at home to activities like hosting a sleepover the night before going to church the next morning. So what can your struggling teen’s autonomy do to help you understand how to motivate lazy teenagers?

According to Dr. Price, increasing your child’s ability to make choices can help you discover how to motivate lazy teenagers by showing them the power of decision making, including neglecting their responsibilities. So, does this mean you should let your child do whatever they want? Not exactly. This is where accountability comes in.

Accountability works with your teen’s autonomy by compelling them to live with the consequences of their decisions. For example, if your child decides they want to have a sleepover on a weeknight, that’s fine. If they can get all their schoolwork done and properly allocate their time, that’s great! But if they stay up until 4 am, then you have to hold them accountable by making sure they go to school the next day and still attend sports practice.

Balancing accountability with your teen’s autonomy is all about boundaries; these are the limits you place on your child. And knowing how to motivate lazy teenagers is an evolving process. When your child is younger, you want their boundaries to be small enough that you can make sure they don’t get into trouble and that they can function on their own. As they start to grow into their teenage years, the boundaries grow with them. They start to take on more adult responsibilities and if you’re not there to micromanage, they’ll have to deal with the consequences of their own choices.

In my interview with Dr. Price, we cover a broad range of topics regarding how to motivate lazy teenagers, including:

I’m so lucky to have had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Price and hear his advice on how to motivate lazy teenagers! And I have to admit, I even saw a bit of my own teenage self in the concepts and stories we discussed…! This episode is must-listen for any parent with a “lazy” teen under their roof!

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