Ep 36: Sex and Pornography Talks

Ep 36: Sex and Pornography Talks

December 12, 2018 Podcast 0

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Episode Summary

Dina Alexander, the president of Educate Empower Kids and the author of numerous parenting books, explains how to talk to teenagers about porn and sex, including how to start conversations, what to do if you find porn on your family computer, and what topics to cover with every teen.

Full Show Notes

There’s no way around it: talking about sex and pornography with your teenager is really awkward. It’s one of the most common topics that parents come to us for help with.

How do you know which issues to bring up with your teenager at which times? And what if you accidentally tell them something they didn’t know about yet and put the idea in their head? What if they are already getting exposed to mature content from their friends at school?

These days, the scary thing is that pornography companies are actively targeting younger children. So even games, educational apps, and family friendly websites aren’t necessarily safe. Your kids can stumble across mature content at any time and it’s happening earlier and earlier.

What should parents do?

We got answers this week from Dina Alexander. She’s the founder and president of Educate Empower Kids, a nonprofit dedicated to teaching parents how to deal with these dangers and raise strong, healthy kids who use technology for good in this new digital age.

Dina has created in-depth educational programs for parents on these issues and has written numerous books: How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography30 Days of Sex Talks, and 30 Days to a Stronger Child.

In this episode, she reveals what she has learned during years of working with thousands of parents and leading experts through her organization.

The 23-minute public version is free to listen to, and the 49-minute extended version, packed with extra goodies, is reserved for site members. Log in or sign up to access everything our site has to offer!

Parenting Scripts

Word-for-word examples of WHAT to say to your teen

1. If your teen is watching porn:

“Part of sexual intimacy is what you create on your own. It’s your own attitudes about sex that you have to develop. But I want them to be YOURS. Not just what you’ve copied from porn or an R-rated movie. I don’t want an industry teaching you what sex is. I want you to figure that out on your own with your partner.”

-Dina Alexander

2.  Tell your teen that porn is run by large corporations, it isn’t rebellious:

(Members Only)

Workbook Exercises

Step-by-step guides for applying the ideas from this interview

1.  Show Your Teen They Can Talk to You:

One thing teens often do is they “test” their parents will smaller things to see how you respond before they talk to you about the really important things on their mind. If you don’t respond openly and non-judgmentally to the tests, you’ll never hear about the bigger stuff your teen is pondering. As Dina told me during our interview, “They’re all big conversations, even the small ones.” Spend a minute thinking about all the topics your teen has mentioned in the last month that seemed silly, pointless, shallow, overly emotional, or otherwise a waste of time. On a piece of paper, write down as many of these topics as you can remember. Maybe your teen mentioned music or SnapChat or Instagram or a movie or TV show or rumor that’s going around at school. What are the most silly or pointless topics your teen has brought up recently? Circle the three topics that you are usually most dismissive of when you teen brings them up and go talk to your teen about those topics. Try to listen openly and without judgment and ask lots of probing follow-up questions. Do this at least once a week for the next month and it will cause your teen to start opening up about deeper issues too.

2.  Initiate a Sex Talk Your Teen will Never Forget:

(Members Only)

About Dina Alexander

Dina Alexander is the founder and CEO of Educate and Empower Kids. She is the creator of How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography and the 30 Days of Sex Talks and 30 Days to a Stronger Child programs. Dina received her master’s degree in recreation therapy from the University of Utah and has taught in various capacities for the past 19 years, including marriage enhancement, art for small children and group fitness. She has also worked with teenage girls in a residential treatment setting, adults with drug addictions and special needs children.

She founded EEK after reading an article about teen porn consumption and becoming worried about the dangers of apps and online media. The organization strives to educate parents, teachers, and community leaders about how to deal with these dangers and raise strong, healthy kids who use technology for good in this new digital age.

Find Dina on FacebookTwitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.