Ep. 60: Deliberate Parenting for Happy Campers
Audrey Monke, author of Happy Campers, shares the wealth of knowledge she’s gained from mentoring kids and camp counselors for the past 30 years. It’s incredible just how many tricks from counseling campers can be applied in the home!
Full Show Notes
Every parent has an idea in their head about how their family is going to go. It’s hard not to have hopes and dreams about just how perfect everything will go and how you won’t turn into your parents…but then kids become teens.
And it seems like all of our expectations for a functional family go out the window. It can feel like we’re barely managing to tread water.
This week I spoke with Audrey Monke, author of Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults about getting deliberate in parenting. After serving as a camp director for over 30 years – not to mention being a mother of five – Audrey knows a thing or two about deliberate practices that work!
Being deliberate and intentional in your parenting practice may sound simple, but taking action isn’t always easy.
Luckily Audrey and I discussed in depth specific practices you can implement with your teen and even exactly what you can say to your teen to shift into a more deliberate and positive practice. In addition, to Audrey’s go-tos for creating a positive mindful family environment you will discover:
- How to turn “labels” into solutions
- The subtle language shift that makes all the difference
- The link between homesickness and a parent’s confidence in their kid
- How to identify “hot spots” and “prime times” to optimize the good times and puzzle out the stress
- A different way to “nag” to your teen that lets you off the hook
So excited to be sharing Audrey’s wealth of knowledge on creating a deliberate parenting practice and dealing with teens!!
The 31-minute public version is free to listen to, and the 61-minute extended version, packed with extra goodies, is reserved for site members. Log in or start a free trial to access everything our site has to offer!
Word-for-word examples of WHAT to say to your teen
1. When your teen is nervous about trying something new:
“Oh my gosh this sounds really, really rough, and I have a lot of confidence in you that you can make it through this. I know the beginning is going to be hard – it was hard for me – and I’m here to support you. I know you can do this.”
2. Preserve your teen’s autonomy while also giving an order:
3. Pair a behavior change with a privilege rather than a punishment:
4. Get solution focused with your critiques:
5. Show your gratitude while also setting the bar high for next time:
Step-by-step guides for applying the ideas from this interview
1. A Subtle Shift to Make a Big Difference:
One thing that stood out to me in my interview with Audrey Monke was how subtle shifts in language can have a huge impact on how words are received. Audrey explicitly discussed shifting from punishment focused to privilege focused. Instead of “if you don’t do the dishes after dinner, then you won’t get a slice of cake” switch to “once you finish those dishes, you can have a slice of cake!”
Think of your typical family rules and consequences. Write down three that you can then rephrase to make them more privilege-focused. Try to implement this subtle shift next time you’re reminding your teen about a rule and its consequences.
2. Turn Your Labels into Solutions:
3. Use a “Wow” to Mindfully Acknowledge Your Teen:
4. Spread Some Inspiration:
5. Sticky-Note Your Nag:
6. Find the “Hot Spots” to Smooth Out Tension
About Audrey Monke
Audrey Monke has been a Camp Director and owner for over 30 years for Gold Arrow Camp. She started he blog Sunshine Parenting in 2012, when she realized that the training and techniques they used at camp to communicate with massive amounts of kids could just as easily be applied in the home. Audrey wrote Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults after the success of her blog and has since started a podcast of her own called Sunshine Parenting. She’s a proud wife, mother, and water-skier.